how to live inside a completely terrific day...

I think today and yesterday are going to be my absolutely favorite days of this semester. These two days are going to be the only thing about this school term I'll remember. In ten years when people ask me about this year at college, these two days are going to be what I'll talk about. It's almost hilarious - nothing hugely life-altering happened, but the culmination of several really important things suddenly came together, and I'm right now totally and completely excited about life. I love that feeling. Almost as much as I love writing. I don't think I realized until last week, thursday night, how much I've been doubting lately my academic path. Having actually written only one thing I'm really proud of in the past year has been really hard. It's made me question whether what I've always thought was inside me is really there. But writing this latest short story for my fiction class has uncorked an incredible flow of words and excitement that I haven't felt in a really long time. Suddenly I'm remembering just how much I want to say, and how much I haven't said yet. Sometimes I feel trapped, because even when I have nothing inside me, I still feel this compulsion to write. But bottom line: it's not about whether I can write or can't write. It's about the fact that I have to write, even if I'm the only one who is ever changed by it.


Wow. I cannot believe how melodramatic the above is. :D ANYWAY, only one more week until The Lion King, and oddly enough, I think I'm just as psyched about hanging out with Heather and the fam as I am about that. I was talking to Heather the other day about my friends here, and how I really do love them...but sometimes I miss not having to try so hard. It's like even simple conversation is so much more complicated when you're talking to someone who's only known you for a year. Especially compared to talking to people who've known you your whole life. With them, you have your own language, one that often doesn't even require words. That might be what I miss about home most of all. (Besides real food, that is...)

So my friend in my fiction class walked out with me last thursday night to ask me if I like Patrick. ????? He is a friend of mine in the class that I know from last semester, that sits by me. He and I are mutually aware of our incompatibility, something that's allowed us to hang out without any awkwardness (something that's suddenly gotten much harder for me in general than in high school, go figure). But apparently our "mixed signals" are confusing our other friends in the class. I've decided that there's been relatively little drama in the class so far, and people are getting bored and desperate. I also think that perhaps Stephanie likes Patrick. But this is all conjecture...unfortunately I am rarely wrong about this stuff. Why can't we all just be grown-ups and leave high school where it belongs - in high school?! ::sigh. I think I'm getting too old for this. :)