I cannot draw. Oftentimes I fully climb aboard the whole "try the impossible" bandwagon...very inspirational, challenging, cool, effective, etc. But in this case, multiple attempts only lead to horrible disappointment and abject shame. So the next time my CRTW prof insists that I try ANY kind of drawing, contour or otherwise, I shall simply remind her of my last attempt, when she looked at my drawing of a chair and commented, "Nice thumb, Lindsay."
In short: it's just not going to happen.
So the next best thing to vacationing in some exotic location has to be coming home after being away to find - unbeknownst to you - that you have suddenly achieved celebrity status. I love coming home from school. :D It makes me feel all special and missed. I think everyone should have that experience at least once every six months. It's good for the self-esteem.
So the drama with 'S' is back in full force now that I'm home again... ::sigh:: Sometimes I feel like no matter how far away I get from my past - distanced either in location or time - I will never really get away from my problems here; from who I was when I was here. Lately I've been thinking about what gives me identity or meaning. Is who I am really what I have become; what I actually am, or is my meaning derived by the identity people place on me? Does it really matter if I've changed, if I've grown, if everyone in my life continues to interact with the person I was, instead of who I am now? I want to be who I am, not who everyone expects or is comfortable with. But change is hard. There's times I'm not sure who - or what - I want to be anymore, and that's disconcerting.
ANYWAY...enough of all that messy introspection. :D I am quite terrified (but psyched) about tonight...apparently we're having a "girly" party, where I shall be getting very girly with everyone. Suffice it to say, I am extremely nervous, as I've always flunked in the being-a-girl department. Sometimes I wish I could just be a throw-the-football-around-wear-jeans-and-a-tshirt-all-the-time kind of girl. But I think the time has come to broaden the horizons a bit. (As long as my morning grooming session does not have to get any longer than the current 10 minutes. I value my sleep greatly, after all...)
:D
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