So I guess it goes without saying that with only three weeks left of school, my life is total chaos. But I'll say it anyway. :D It's the strangest feeling ever, because half of me is DYING for summer, but the other half is dreading the unknown that summer will bring. What will I do for work? When will Mom and the girls move away? Will Heather's basement be completed in time, or will I be spending my summer doing that? It's all up in the air right now, and despite how much I really do enjoy adventures and change and the unknown, this particular kind of uncertainty is pretty daunting. But then my mind inevitably swings back to just how frickin SICK of school I am, and how I'm about to the point where I'm ready to work at McDonalds and sleep in my car, as long as I'm not here in Ypsi anymore...
In some ways I feel like my entire life right now revolves around checking my email. This publisher is supposed to email me soon, with details about the process of getting my short story in his literary mag, and if I thought I was a compulsive email checker before, I was very much naive. The entire situation feels so surreal, but it has me kind of frozen where my next story is concerned. How do I top, or even match my first story in this class? It's almost past the point of pride, and into territory where I just don't want to disappoint my prof. But I'm also terrified of disappointing myself, I think. The other problem I'm running into is the story currently circulating tirelessly inside my head is based much more heavily on my own life than my last story. That makes me really uncomfortable for certain individuals from my past...something I never want to do is hurt people, even those who've hurt me. Such a dilemma...and yet, in some ways, not really. I'm starting to feel like I have such little control over the words that come out of me...they're there, and they have to come out. That's the beginning and the end of it.
So I just found out that someone got held up at gunpoint at a location I was at just two hours before. It's kind of a strange sensation...makes me terribly glad that I have a tendency to be over-cautious. It also makes me terribly glad that it wasn't me... :)
