Halloween (def.): Holiday in which life temporarily becomes eerily similar to a Tim Burton film...

So I complimented someone on their paper kitten ears today. You just gotta love the randomness that is Halloween.

:D

I did the most pathetic thing I've ever done for extra credit on Wednesday. My mythology prof decided she'd give 5 extra credit points to anyone who dressed up this week as a Greek mythological character. So purely in the interest of education (and raising my grade, which is currently borderline "you're kinda stupid,") I showed up to class on Wednesday dressed up as Zeus. Since it was my last class of the day I was forced to sit through my prior two classes looking rather ridiculous. But I just kept responding to all the laughter and mocking with this mental litany: "I am secure in myself. I don't care what people say about me. I wish this cardboard thunderbolt was real, so I could fry all these morons to ashes."
It got me through.

:D

Went through a "haunted" tour of the Quirk Theater last night with Jasmine...I did not get nearly as scared as I thought I would. But Matt was one of the zombies that was supposed to scare us, and even though his makeup was very good, it kind of ruins the effect when you know the person. Plus in the midst of all of the hysterical screaming and laughter, I saw Matt break character and laugh, and that COMPLETELY took me out of the moment. I have to admit though, the room where they re-enacted a scene from "The Ring" DEFINITELY got to me. That was the point when I grabbed onto the nearest body and shook with terror. (The body happened to belong to a burly 6'5 football player I met just before beginning the tour. It should've been an awkward moment, but wasn't, because as it so happened, he was shaking in terror too...)

bunnies, brussell sprouts, Oregon, and other things that terrify me..

Top Five Reasons Why I'm Excited My Family Is Moving To Portland, Oregon:


5. Living in a roomy, spacious home can get to be a drag. All that extra room to have to clean and maintain.

4. Being in such close proximity to your favorite people can be very distracting from the TRULY important things in life: work, money, grades, and stressing about working more, making more money, and getting better grades.

3. Often people find it curious (and even at times weird and off-putting) how much I like my family. This way I can see if I REALLY like them, or if it's some kind of sickness due to over-exposure.

2. Home-cooked meals are SO overrated. Especially by us college students who go months without them. I will now have the chance to fully grasp this concept.

1. I'll now have an excuse to do some real traveling. I want to see the world, and Oregon is at the TOP of my list.

--------

::sigh:: This is supposed to be funny. I might be in too sarcastic a mood right now to really pull it off...but it did cheer me up a little to express this.

:S

sleep? I've heard of him...we've never officially met though...

Can't sleep. And do I ever have every reason to. (There's a really confusing sentence) But just one of those nights when my mind is going at 500 mph, albeit without my consent. I hate nights like these...makes me wish I was an irresponsible person, and could just get into my car and drive; chase the sunrise. But alas, I am confined by my own inescapable responsible streak that keeps me chained to my bed, fruitlessly searching for that elusive being called sleep...

I am processing so much right now...but what I can't seem to process is this physical pain I feel. I forgot what it's like to hurt so much for someone else that you can actually feel it. That's how it feels right now when I think about the people I love hurting. And so far away, I feel like I can't reach them.

Sometimes life really bites.

remembering the days when my biggest concern was whether Mom would let me watch Mr. Rogers AND Sesame Street...

::sigh:: So I had an awesome weekend. And it has left me rather unmotivated where school is concerned...now I just wanna forget homework and go home and play. :D But I did love the break from school life...I got to do things I haven't done since the semester started. I got to shop for FUN, eat out at my fav restaurants, see a movie in theater, watch my lil sister perform...it was fun. :D PLUS I got to cause a minor stir at church, which is always fun. :D

H and I spent a long time the other night reminiscing about what we remember about our early childhood...sharing memories into the wee hours of the morning. It was fun...but definitely made me miss the good ole days when I had two friends, one favorite pair of pants I wore ALL the time (until Mom would catch on) and the (rather stupid but nonetheless comforting) total confidence in the goodness of life, people, and the unquestioned omniscience of my parents. Sometimes I miss life being simple.

So there is NOTHING more annoying than being approached by a guy when you know it's on a dare originated by his group of friends standing five feet away. In hindsight, I've decided I was much more polite than I should've been. I mean, don't they assume that a girl's got some standards?? Since when is it a compliment to be hit on as result of a dare?! Sometimes I'm convinced the entire male race is beyond help. Then I remember that I have a nephew. :S

what to do when wicker chairs resemble thumbs...

I cannot draw. Oftentimes I fully climb aboard the whole "try the impossible" bandwagon...very inspirational, challenging, cool, effective, etc. But in this case, multiple attempts only lead to horrible disappointment and abject shame. So the next time my CRTW prof insists that I try ANY kind of drawing, contour or otherwise, I shall simply remind her of my last attempt, when she looked at my drawing of a chair and commented, "Nice thumb, Lindsay."
In short: it's just not going to happen.

So the next best thing to vacationing in some exotic location has to be coming home after being away to find - unbeknownst to you - that you have suddenly achieved celebrity status. I love coming home from school. :D It makes me feel all special and missed. I think everyone should have that experience at least once every six months. It's good for the self-esteem.

So the drama with 'S' is back in full force now that I'm home again... ::sigh:: Sometimes I feel like no matter how far away I get from my past - distanced either in location or time - I will never really get away from my problems here; from who I was when I was here. Lately I've been thinking about what gives me identity or meaning. Is who I am really what I have become; what I actually am, or is my meaning derived by the identity people place on me? Does it really matter if I've changed, if I've grown, if everyone in my life continues to interact with the person I was, instead of who I am now? I want to be who I am, not who everyone expects or is comfortable with. But change is hard. There's times I'm not sure who - or what - I want to be anymore, and that's disconcerting.

ANYWAY...enough of all that messy introspection. :D I am quite terrified (but psyched) about tonight...apparently we're having a "girly" party, where I shall be getting very girly with everyone. Suffice it to say, I am extremely nervous, as I've always flunked in the being-a-girl department. Sometimes I wish I could just be a throw-the-football-around-wear-jeans-and-a-tshirt-all-the-time kind of girl. But I think the time has come to broaden the horizons a bit. (As long as my morning grooming session does not have to get any longer than the current 10 minutes. I value my sleep greatly, after all...)

:D

It's an attempted takeover! Humanity vs. Ladybug, and I have OPPOSABLE THUMBS, so take THAT!!

So in the past three days, I've killed 15 ladybugs in my room. The recent odd twist in "The Saga of the Hostile Invasion of the Coccinellidae, or Lady Bug" is that despite my rather severe (crippling, really) fear of spiders, a small spider (who has taken up occupancy in the far bottom corner of my room) and I have called a rather bizarre truce. He stays in his corner in plain sight where I can see him, and I allow him to live. I also herd ladybugs in his direction and he snares and disposes of them (I don't know how - I stay ignorant of the actual process. I find in cases like these that ignorance is bliss). So that's the rather dysfunctional system currently in place in my room. I don't know how long I can survive these conditions, but I have not yet gone over the edge. (To be updated on an hourly basis).

ahhh, so THAT'S why I'm going to college!

Had lots of fun in Creative Writing today...Prof Lao handed out an excerpt of a scientific book about parasites, and had us create poetry/prose from random bits of the text. SO much fun, and really funny what some people came up with. Mine turned out to be rather serious, but what can you do? :)

(Found text from Parasite Rex)

FACES

Complement settles
If men and women
Would stick their faces underwater -
They thrive because they have many more ways of fooling
Each other
To make their home.
Some can live in any kind of cell.
Almost everyone is a
Paradox
Although billions of humans
Can’t raise the right defense,
And
There’s some evidence
It becomes dangerous.
We
May seem like gentle creatures
But
Are always ready to destroy -
It tastes like
An exhausting game.
We
Need to move
But
Shy away and never see
All are faceless.

hiccuping during class, running in the rain, bloodletting, and other insane things I did today...

So giving blood wasn't fun. On the other hand I survived, and managed not to vomit or faint, (well, in the technical sense of the word), so I think we can say it was a success. I was the cliche donor who had to breathe into a paper bag and get walked around by a nurse afterward, but I was told (and I choose to believe it) that this is not unusual for a first time donor. It must be my inner overachiever that's disappointed I didn't sail through like a pro, but all in all, I'm proud of myself that I:

a) filled out a survey with numerous embarrassing questions about my sexual history with a woman older than my grandma,
b) stayed in the waiting-to-donate area even after watching a girl faint dead away,
c) did NOT panic, EVEN after hearing my nurse - while inserting the IV into my arm - mutter "Uhoh"
d) downed four cups of the nastiest juice I've ever tasted after feeling quite woozy once they stopped sucking my life force out of me into a baggie.

Now that I've listed it all out, I've changed my mind. Forget wimpy - I deserve some kind of humanitarian award for voluntarily submitting myself to the above. :D (Though I feel compelled to disclose that I did get a free American Red Cross t-shirt for donating. Which, pathetic though it may be, I probably will enjoy more than some boring humanitarian award.) ::shrugs::

panic: why hasn't this kicked in sooner?

Discussed Faulkner for the entire class period in Modern Lit today. REALLY horrible story about a black woman, prejudice, corrupt officials and an indifferent community. Yuck. Intellectually I know it's a good story, but it's hard to appreciate reading something that makes your gag reflex go haywire.

So it's happened: I made my first tutoring paperwork error. What's REALLY weird is I am actually feeling pretty relieved. As in it's happened, and I didn't get fired and the world didn't end. Weird. Apparently the right people weren't notified, because I'm sure if they had been, the world definitely would've ended. I'm all-important like that. ;)

So I'm required (as ordered from "On High," who also goes by "Professor Duncan," of my Shakespeare class) to see my school's production of "Romeo & Juliet" this weekend...Matt Anderson (also known as "Romeo") is actually taking this class, so we have the benefit of knowing the student who's gonna be up there playing Romeo. Usually I would really be looking forward to this, but a) I really don't have time to go this weekend, and b) "J" (my best friend in this class) is ushering, instead of sitting with me. And I don't feel right about asking friends to go with me who aren't in this class and not required to go, because of how expensive the tickets are. (Why they make students pay, I have no idea). ANYWAY, all I know is this better be a REALLY good production... :)

So...I'M GIVING BLOOD TOMORROW!!!

crap.

What in the WORLD was going through my mind when I decided I could do this?! I already feel like running, and I'm not even scheduled to donate until tomorrow evening. Why oh why do I have to have this stupid thing about needles, AND an uncomfortable history with dizziness/fainting?? Okay, I just need to suck it up. I'm a big girl, I can do this. (However, as my prof - obsessed with Irish lore - would say: I think I just heard the banshee scream).

::gulp::

running in five directions at once, and other impossibilities I attempt daily...

Today was Homework Blitz Day. I don't think I did very well...but I've decided I deserve very little blame for that. One thing after another successfully sabotaged my efforts...a busted photocopier in the library, an MIA textbook and instructions I thought I wrote down, but as it turns out only filed away in my head (yeah, right, like THAT'S gonna be there two days later!!)...what a mess. It's a good thing that for profs, Mondays are "If You Make It To Class At All, I'm Happy" days...little less pressure homework-wise. :D

Went shopping for really boring stuff today...and ended up wandering aimlessly around Target and Meijer, just happy to be out among civilization. Had one State fan in my face (I was wearing an EMU shirt) but other than that, a very uneventful afternoon...

So walking into my dorm after shopping, I was hit on by a four-year-old...he was like "Hey, beautiful...what's up?" The most amusing thing about it was how completely embarrassed his mom was. Pretty much made my day though. :D

come on...freezing rain?! (If this is a joke, it's not very funny...)

So I am an iceberg. And yes, there is much more to me than what you see on the surface, but I actually mean I am literally an iceberg. I expect I shall be a big block of frozen ice until...next spring, possibly. I really don't recommend walking halfway across campus at 8:30pm in freezing rain; it tends to result in loss of feeling in critical appendages, drenched jeans (and really, what's more uncomfortable than wet jeans?) and hair that can't decide which famous rock star to emulate.

I was SO proud of myself this morning: I actually remembered to dig out my gloves from my winter stuff and wear them to class. Then I ended up sharing them with friends in every single class today. Apparently campus classroom buildings don't rediscover the concept of heat until November. It's gonna be a long, cold month...

Heehee. So I think maybe "J" and I shouldn't sit by each other in Shakespeare anymore. We are definitely a bad influence on each others' academic studies. I think I only caught about half the prof's lecture today, what with all our passing notes (yes! I actually passed notes! How pathetic is that?!), whispered conversations and muted laughter. Granted, when I was tuning in, he was usually either going on and on about his first divorce, or his latest work in progress (he writes plays), but I still don't think it's good that I'm potentially only going to learn half of what I'm supposed to learn in this class. Even if what I'm "supposed" to learn is a little bit of Shakespeare, and the complete life history of my prof and his family tree...

So the latest in the saga between me and my arch enemy has taken a surprising turn...he was nice to me today. NICE! He actually stopped me after class to ask me how my project is coming. Now I don't know what he's trying to pull, but I see right through this pathetic attempt to call a truce. I've decided unequivocally not to trust him. Which kind of leaves me in a very weird place if he continues to try to be nice. I am not very good at being mean, so if he keeps it up, I just KNOW I'll cave! I've got to be strong! Can't let him lull me into a false sense of security! (And I sound so nuts right now, I'm scaring myself...) :S

So my hero today: whiteout. Thought I'd killed myself with all the mistakes I'd made on my tutoring paperwork, then suddenly the solution ocurred to me: 'whiteout, stupid!' I've decided life should come with whiteout. Wouldn't that be totally awesome?

an ode to sleep, my absent friend

The door knobs on all the doors in my dorm are very heavy. When I first started living here, I noticed they were heavier than most door knobs, but I didn't really think much about it at the time. Last week I noticed they seemed heavier; it took me an extra second to get it turned all the way. Today when I went to turn the knob on my door, I could hardly turn it, it was so heavy. I've decided this weird phenomenon has less to do with the door knobs actually getting heavier, and more to do with my growing exhaustion (or perhaps paranoia/insanity? I'll have to give it some more thought...). Either way, I've decided some extra sleep couldn't hurt. It's even on my to-do list.

:)

So tutoring session #1 with...let's call him "Super Jock," commenced today. It was quite the interesting experience. It's almost like a math problem in of itself: what do you have when you get a former jock, add super over-achievement tendencies, and graduation on the horizon with just one class standing in his way? What you have equals one intense tutoring session fraught with sports small talk, an attitude toward math that reminds me of Alexander the Great's attitude toward conquering...well, the world, enough charisma to float a battleship (or is it "sink a battleship? Whichever...) and a tutee that will be giving me two solid hours every week for the rest of the semester. :D

I feel like my interests have crystallized in the past three weeks. I have gotten to the point where free time is so rare and precious, when I have it I am forced to condense everything I actually WANT to do to the very bare minimum. Suddenly I discover what's really important to me. Apparently this is what's really important to me:

-cleaning
-walking
-watching NCIS & House
-talking on the phone with my sisters
-hanging w/ friends
-creating numerous to-do lists
-writing on this blog

This is pretty much all I have done in my free time this past week, in fact. I realize as I look that list over, I am not happy with it. There are things on this list I wish I did not feel compelled (driven?) to do incessantly (can we say cleaning?! ;) and things I'd like to be able to put on this list (consistent Bible reading, memorizing scripture). ::sigh:: Guess I'll have to put it on my to-do list. ;)