school is out: let the mayhem begin!!

I'm sick.

Actually very, very sick. But perversely, I could not be happier...this Plague's onset was the day after I took my last final, so really, who am I to complain?

:D

Still trying to adjust to life without classes...hopefully this will happen before I go back to classes in the beginning of January.

So I have an INFINITE number of fun things I want to do over break...now it's just a waiting game to get healthy, then the MAD FUN can commence!!

end of semester: triumph, or my ultimate doom? :O

So this will probably be my last post before the end of the semester. Even writing that I cannot seem to grasp the concept that Fall is almost over. And it really should seem real, because it is FRICKIN COLD outside!!! :( If only there was a lot of pretty snow on the ground to make the cold seem worth all the trouble. ::sigh:: Whatev.

Anyway, so my prof told me Wednesday that she wants to nominate me to present a selection of my work in her class at an Undergraduate Symposium in March. To over 150 faculty and students.

?!?!?!

I am of course highly flattered, completely overwhelmed, and insanely terrified. I actually normally relish public speaking...I typically don't even get nervous, and I really do enjoy entertaining or informing people. (Or maybe I am just an attention junkie. :D ) But THIS seems WAY over my pay grade. But overall, I am very VERY psyched that my prof feels my work is "outstanding in its field," and that she's willing to nominate me for something like this. Maybe she's actually nuts or something. :)

So Thanksgiving...it was very very weird.

Positives:
*I got to hang w/ Mom's extended family in Chicago, the side of the family with about 60 people in it. Which is always fun.
*We got to ride the El into the city Thursday morning to watch my cousin Jordan play in the Chicago Thanksgiving parade. That was really fun, though really freezing.
*I got to eat tons and TONS of good, homecooked food. It was kind of like what I imagine heaven is like.
*Mom, Gina, Heather, Megan, Shelby and I got to go to the Shedd Aquarium. Which was totally awesome.
*I organized a dance party with a drinks bar (non-alcoholic of course) in my uncle's basement on Friday night. It was a once-in-a-lifetime experience, doing the cha-cha slide with my cousins, aunts and uncles.

Negatives:
*Since Dad, Mom, Megs and Shelby are moving to Oregon, there is talk circulating in the extended family that we will not be getting together for reunions very often anymore.
*Megan and Shelby got the flu over the weekend, so I hardly got to hang out with them. This had me highly upset, as I was just as excited to see them as I was my cousins I haven't seen since the wedding in August.
*I had to deal with a lot of crap from certain HIGHLY conservative members of the extended family about getting the dance party together, especially because some of the music I played was non-Christian, I organized a mixed drinks bar, and I encouraged dancing. (Despite the fact that the drinks were non-alcoholic, all the non-Christian music was VERY clean, and because it was all family, there was absolutely NO grinding or dirty dancing.)

::sigh:: I really do respect my mom's side of the family, but sometimes I wish they'd just loosen up a bit. I am torn in two when I have on the one hand aunts and uncles criticizing me for trying to "recreate the worldly atmosphere of clubbing," and on the other hand cousins telling me that the dance party was the most fun thing we've ever done together. Ever. It was a good reminder though that despite how hard I may try, it is literally IMPOSSIBLE to please everyone. And if my organizing this dance party was such a huge shock to everyone (after all, aren't I a good Christian girl, which means I don't dance, don't drink, and don't go clubbing??) then maybe my aunts and uncles don't know me as well as they think they do.

So I am ready for some serious Christmasing. The music, the cookies, late-night Monopoly and Scrabble with Christmas tunes playing in the background and snow on the ground...BRING ON CHRISTMAS BREAK!!!! :D

what happens when you dive in WITHOUT the deep breath first...

I miss writing. The great irony is that I am doing nothing but writing right now...but academic writing and decompression writing are two wildly different processes. So I feel justified (though slightly silly) in stating that I miss writing.

Clint is constantly on my mind right now...it's funny how you can forget how much you care about people after long periods apart, only to be reminded very suddenly when something happens. All of the Bortons are so special...I hope he pulls out of this soon. I think my Thanksgiving wish (and yes, there is such a thing) this year will be that the Bortons won't have to spend Thanksgiving in a hospital.

So the most incredible opportunity fell into my lap today...well, more like my English professor thrust it in my face and wouldn't let me leave (literally, she blocked the door) before I agreed to pursue it. I hate to look a gift horse in the mouth, but I can't help, much like Hugh Laurie, but to be "highly suspicious of success." But even if this doesn't work out, I will always have the knowledge that my prof thought I was good enough, and deserved this opportunity. That I know I will NEVER forget.

So me and my two best buddies in mythology were up until the wee hours of the morning last night writing our stupid mythology term paper. We were supposed to peer edit them in class today, but the three of us could not think or talk straight. We kept bursting into uncontrollable laughter for no reason (although Dawn did give us plenty of reason with her antics, come to think of it.
Dawn + three hours of sleep + three cups of coffee = an unforgettable experience.)

Hehe.

Anyway, after I realized I'd misspelled "reason" as "reeson" on my edit worksheet, I finally admitted to myself that I was simply not going to be accomplishing anything useful today. Then I remembered that I had tutoring all evening, plus two papers to finish before tomorrow. And college just does not provide a lot of leeway for nervous breakdowns. :)

So I have never been more ready for the holidays. I'm listening to Christmas music constantly, daydreaming about Christmas shopping (I know! ME!!) and mentally creating a list of crazy fun things I want to do over Christmas break w/ my favorite peeps. I wonder if this sentimentality is coming from the fact that I know my family will shortly be heading in opposite directions, simply a result of me getting older, or my miserably pathetic craving of home cooked meals. Whichever it is, bring on the holidays, baby.

:D

what to do when: your shoes trip without your consent, your trash can growls, a guy accidentally knocks you over, and other life-altering events...

My life is highly improbable. I've decided that if I ever attempted to publish my memoirs, no one would believe a single word of it. Would probably be fun to write anyway though... :D

So...I BOUGHT 2 TICKETS FOR HEATHER AND I TO SEE "THE LION KING" AT THE WHARTON IN MARCH THIS MORNING!!!!!! I'm just a little psyched. I feel a little bad for calling Heather in the middle of her work day and blabbering on and on about how excited I am, but sometimes you just gotta barrel through other people's stringent work ethics for their own good. (I shudder to think of what she'd have missed out on if I HADN'T called - tragic stuff that, totally tragic.)

Looked out my window last night to see snow flurries, and promptly turned on Christmas music for the first time this year. Gotta love the holiday season!! (That is, until the below freezing temperatures become the norm, shopping starts to feel like civil warfare, driving becomes an extreme sport...but we won't dwell on all that now!!) :D I really do love this time of year though (mostly, anyway)...people change; I feel like generally they become more friendly, more open, more focused on what they hold as important. If nothing else, it's nice to feel like the moment you're in is special. That and family, home, and Jesus is what Thanksgiving and Christmas are colored with for me.

So Tim played a horrible trick on me today...it all started with the class that meets in our room before our English class being canceled this morning. Now Tim likes to mock me because every day I'm the first one to class - it's just a product of my neurotic fear of being late, which I don't find particularly funny, but he thinks it's quite hilarious. So anyway, I walk up to our classroom this morning to find the lights off and the door closed...I was surprised, but just figured (correctly) the class before ours had been canceled. So I walk up and try the door, and find it unlocked. I push it open and suddenly Tim jumps out at me screaming "I GOT HERE FIRST!!!!!!" I jumped (according to Tim, mind you, and he lies) about ten feet in the air and yelled "Holy MOTHER!" Suffice it to say, I refused to speak to him again until he stopped laughing and apologized, which took the rest of the class period. And now the entire class (thanks to Tim's INCREDIBLY big mouth) knows like two of my biggest fears: a) being late, and b) getting startled. It's a good thing (esp. for Tim) that I have a healthy sense of humor, or I would never make it through the day.

Halloween (def.): Holiday in which life temporarily becomes eerily similar to a Tim Burton film...

So I complimented someone on their paper kitten ears today. You just gotta love the randomness that is Halloween.

:D

I did the most pathetic thing I've ever done for extra credit on Wednesday. My mythology prof decided she'd give 5 extra credit points to anyone who dressed up this week as a Greek mythological character. So purely in the interest of education (and raising my grade, which is currently borderline "you're kinda stupid,") I showed up to class on Wednesday dressed up as Zeus. Since it was my last class of the day I was forced to sit through my prior two classes looking rather ridiculous. But I just kept responding to all the laughter and mocking with this mental litany: "I am secure in myself. I don't care what people say about me. I wish this cardboard thunderbolt was real, so I could fry all these morons to ashes."
It got me through.

:D

Went through a "haunted" tour of the Quirk Theater last night with Jasmine...I did not get nearly as scared as I thought I would. But Matt was one of the zombies that was supposed to scare us, and even though his makeup was very good, it kind of ruins the effect when you know the person. Plus in the midst of all of the hysterical screaming and laughter, I saw Matt break character and laugh, and that COMPLETELY took me out of the moment. I have to admit though, the room where they re-enacted a scene from "The Ring" DEFINITELY got to me. That was the point when I grabbed onto the nearest body and shook with terror. (The body happened to belong to a burly 6'5 football player I met just before beginning the tour. It should've been an awkward moment, but wasn't, because as it so happened, he was shaking in terror too...)

bunnies, brussell sprouts, Oregon, and other things that terrify me..

Top Five Reasons Why I'm Excited My Family Is Moving To Portland, Oregon:


5. Living in a roomy, spacious home can get to be a drag. All that extra room to have to clean and maintain.

4. Being in such close proximity to your favorite people can be very distracting from the TRULY important things in life: work, money, grades, and stressing about working more, making more money, and getting better grades.

3. Often people find it curious (and even at times weird and off-putting) how much I like my family. This way I can see if I REALLY like them, or if it's some kind of sickness due to over-exposure.

2. Home-cooked meals are SO overrated. Especially by us college students who go months without them. I will now have the chance to fully grasp this concept.

1. I'll now have an excuse to do some real traveling. I want to see the world, and Oregon is at the TOP of my list.

--------

::sigh:: This is supposed to be funny. I might be in too sarcastic a mood right now to really pull it off...but it did cheer me up a little to express this.

:S

sleep? I've heard of him...we've never officially met though...

Can't sleep. And do I ever have every reason to. (There's a really confusing sentence) But just one of those nights when my mind is going at 500 mph, albeit without my consent. I hate nights like these...makes me wish I was an irresponsible person, and could just get into my car and drive; chase the sunrise. But alas, I am confined by my own inescapable responsible streak that keeps me chained to my bed, fruitlessly searching for that elusive being called sleep...

I am processing so much right now...but what I can't seem to process is this physical pain I feel. I forgot what it's like to hurt so much for someone else that you can actually feel it. That's how it feels right now when I think about the people I love hurting. And so far away, I feel like I can't reach them.

Sometimes life really bites.

remembering the days when my biggest concern was whether Mom would let me watch Mr. Rogers AND Sesame Street...

::sigh:: So I had an awesome weekend. And it has left me rather unmotivated where school is concerned...now I just wanna forget homework and go home and play. :D But I did love the break from school life...I got to do things I haven't done since the semester started. I got to shop for FUN, eat out at my fav restaurants, see a movie in theater, watch my lil sister perform...it was fun. :D PLUS I got to cause a minor stir at church, which is always fun. :D

H and I spent a long time the other night reminiscing about what we remember about our early childhood...sharing memories into the wee hours of the morning. It was fun...but definitely made me miss the good ole days when I had two friends, one favorite pair of pants I wore ALL the time (until Mom would catch on) and the (rather stupid but nonetheless comforting) total confidence in the goodness of life, people, and the unquestioned omniscience of my parents. Sometimes I miss life being simple.

So there is NOTHING more annoying than being approached by a guy when you know it's on a dare originated by his group of friends standing five feet away. In hindsight, I've decided I was much more polite than I should've been. I mean, don't they assume that a girl's got some standards?? Since when is it a compliment to be hit on as result of a dare?! Sometimes I'm convinced the entire male race is beyond help. Then I remember that I have a nephew. :S

what to do when wicker chairs resemble thumbs...

I cannot draw. Oftentimes I fully climb aboard the whole "try the impossible" bandwagon...very inspirational, challenging, cool, effective, etc. But in this case, multiple attempts only lead to horrible disappointment and abject shame. So the next time my CRTW prof insists that I try ANY kind of drawing, contour or otherwise, I shall simply remind her of my last attempt, when she looked at my drawing of a chair and commented, "Nice thumb, Lindsay."
In short: it's just not going to happen.

So the next best thing to vacationing in some exotic location has to be coming home after being away to find - unbeknownst to you - that you have suddenly achieved celebrity status. I love coming home from school. :D It makes me feel all special and missed. I think everyone should have that experience at least once every six months. It's good for the self-esteem.

So the drama with 'S' is back in full force now that I'm home again... ::sigh:: Sometimes I feel like no matter how far away I get from my past - distanced either in location or time - I will never really get away from my problems here; from who I was when I was here. Lately I've been thinking about what gives me identity or meaning. Is who I am really what I have become; what I actually am, or is my meaning derived by the identity people place on me? Does it really matter if I've changed, if I've grown, if everyone in my life continues to interact with the person I was, instead of who I am now? I want to be who I am, not who everyone expects or is comfortable with. But change is hard. There's times I'm not sure who - or what - I want to be anymore, and that's disconcerting.

ANYWAY...enough of all that messy introspection. :D I am quite terrified (but psyched) about tonight...apparently we're having a "girly" party, where I shall be getting very girly with everyone. Suffice it to say, I am extremely nervous, as I've always flunked in the being-a-girl department. Sometimes I wish I could just be a throw-the-football-around-wear-jeans-and-a-tshirt-all-the-time kind of girl. But I think the time has come to broaden the horizons a bit. (As long as my morning grooming session does not have to get any longer than the current 10 minutes. I value my sleep greatly, after all...)

:D

It's an attempted takeover! Humanity vs. Ladybug, and I have OPPOSABLE THUMBS, so take THAT!!

So in the past three days, I've killed 15 ladybugs in my room. The recent odd twist in "The Saga of the Hostile Invasion of the Coccinellidae, or Lady Bug" is that despite my rather severe (crippling, really) fear of spiders, a small spider (who has taken up occupancy in the far bottom corner of my room) and I have called a rather bizarre truce. He stays in his corner in plain sight where I can see him, and I allow him to live. I also herd ladybugs in his direction and he snares and disposes of them (I don't know how - I stay ignorant of the actual process. I find in cases like these that ignorance is bliss). So that's the rather dysfunctional system currently in place in my room. I don't know how long I can survive these conditions, but I have not yet gone over the edge. (To be updated on an hourly basis).

ahhh, so THAT'S why I'm going to college!

Had lots of fun in Creative Writing today...Prof Lao handed out an excerpt of a scientific book about parasites, and had us create poetry/prose from random bits of the text. SO much fun, and really funny what some people came up with. Mine turned out to be rather serious, but what can you do? :)

(Found text from Parasite Rex)

FACES

Complement settles
If men and women
Would stick their faces underwater -
They thrive because they have many more ways of fooling
Each other
To make their home.
Some can live in any kind of cell.
Almost everyone is a
Paradox
Although billions of humans
Can’t raise the right defense,
And
There’s some evidence
It becomes dangerous.
We
May seem like gentle creatures
But
Are always ready to destroy -
It tastes like
An exhausting game.
We
Need to move
But
Shy away and never see
All are faceless.

hiccuping during class, running in the rain, bloodletting, and other insane things I did today...

So giving blood wasn't fun. On the other hand I survived, and managed not to vomit or faint, (well, in the technical sense of the word), so I think we can say it was a success. I was the cliche donor who had to breathe into a paper bag and get walked around by a nurse afterward, but I was told (and I choose to believe it) that this is not unusual for a first time donor. It must be my inner overachiever that's disappointed I didn't sail through like a pro, but all in all, I'm proud of myself that I:

a) filled out a survey with numerous embarrassing questions about my sexual history with a woman older than my grandma,
b) stayed in the waiting-to-donate area even after watching a girl faint dead away,
c) did NOT panic, EVEN after hearing my nurse - while inserting the IV into my arm - mutter "Uhoh"
d) downed four cups of the nastiest juice I've ever tasted after feeling quite woozy once they stopped sucking my life force out of me into a baggie.

Now that I've listed it all out, I've changed my mind. Forget wimpy - I deserve some kind of humanitarian award for voluntarily submitting myself to the above. :D (Though I feel compelled to disclose that I did get a free American Red Cross t-shirt for donating. Which, pathetic though it may be, I probably will enjoy more than some boring humanitarian award.) ::shrugs::

panic: why hasn't this kicked in sooner?

Discussed Faulkner for the entire class period in Modern Lit today. REALLY horrible story about a black woman, prejudice, corrupt officials and an indifferent community. Yuck. Intellectually I know it's a good story, but it's hard to appreciate reading something that makes your gag reflex go haywire.

So it's happened: I made my first tutoring paperwork error. What's REALLY weird is I am actually feeling pretty relieved. As in it's happened, and I didn't get fired and the world didn't end. Weird. Apparently the right people weren't notified, because I'm sure if they had been, the world definitely would've ended. I'm all-important like that. ;)

So I'm required (as ordered from "On High," who also goes by "Professor Duncan," of my Shakespeare class) to see my school's production of "Romeo & Juliet" this weekend...Matt Anderson (also known as "Romeo") is actually taking this class, so we have the benefit of knowing the student who's gonna be up there playing Romeo. Usually I would really be looking forward to this, but a) I really don't have time to go this weekend, and b) "J" (my best friend in this class) is ushering, instead of sitting with me. And I don't feel right about asking friends to go with me who aren't in this class and not required to go, because of how expensive the tickets are. (Why they make students pay, I have no idea). ANYWAY, all I know is this better be a REALLY good production... :)

So...I'M GIVING BLOOD TOMORROW!!!

crap.

What in the WORLD was going through my mind when I decided I could do this?! I already feel like running, and I'm not even scheduled to donate until tomorrow evening. Why oh why do I have to have this stupid thing about needles, AND an uncomfortable history with dizziness/fainting?? Okay, I just need to suck it up. I'm a big girl, I can do this. (However, as my prof - obsessed with Irish lore - would say: I think I just heard the banshee scream).

::gulp::

running in five directions at once, and other impossibilities I attempt daily...

Today was Homework Blitz Day. I don't think I did very well...but I've decided I deserve very little blame for that. One thing after another successfully sabotaged my efforts...a busted photocopier in the library, an MIA textbook and instructions I thought I wrote down, but as it turns out only filed away in my head (yeah, right, like THAT'S gonna be there two days later!!)...what a mess. It's a good thing that for profs, Mondays are "If You Make It To Class At All, I'm Happy" days...little less pressure homework-wise. :D

Went shopping for really boring stuff today...and ended up wandering aimlessly around Target and Meijer, just happy to be out among civilization. Had one State fan in my face (I was wearing an EMU shirt) but other than that, a very uneventful afternoon...

So walking into my dorm after shopping, I was hit on by a four-year-old...he was like "Hey, beautiful...what's up?" The most amusing thing about it was how completely embarrassed his mom was. Pretty much made my day though. :D

come on...freezing rain?! (If this is a joke, it's not very funny...)

So I am an iceberg. And yes, there is much more to me than what you see on the surface, but I actually mean I am literally an iceberg. I expect I shall be a big block of frozen ice until...next spring, possibly. I really don't recommend walking halfway across campus at 8:30pm in freezing rain; it tends to result in loss of feeling in critical appendages, drenched jeans (and really, what's more uncomfortable than wet jeans?) and hair that can't decide which famous rock star to emulate.

I was SO proud of myself this morning: I actually remembered to dig out my gloves from my winter stuff and wear them to class. Then I ended up sharing them with friends in every single class today. Apparently campus classroom buildings don't rediscover the concept of heat until November. It's gonna be a long, cold month...

Heehee. So I think maybe "J" and I shouldn't sit by each other in Shakespeare anymore. We are definitely a bad influence on each others' academic studies. I think I only caught about half the prof's lecture today, what with all our passing notes (yes! I actually passed notes! How pathetic is that?!), whispered conversations and muted laughter. Granted, when I was tuning in, he was usually either going on and on about his first divorce, or his latest work in progress (he writes plays), but I still don't think it's good that I'm potentially only going to learn half of what I'm supposed to learn in this class. Even if what I'm "supposed" to learn is a little bit of Shakespeare, and the complete life history of my prof and his family tree...

So the latest in the saga between me and my arch enemy has taken a surprising turn...he was nice to me today. NICE! He actually stopped me after class to ask me how my project is coming. Now I don't know what he's trying to pull, but I see right through this pathetic attempt to call a truce. I've decided unequivocally not to trust him. Which kind of leaves me in a very weird place if he continues to try to be nice. I am not very good at being mean, so if he keeps it up, I just KNOW I'll cave! I've got to be strong! Can't let him lull me into a false sense of security! (And I sound so nuts right now, I'm scaring myself...) :S

So my hero today: whiteout. Thought I'd killed myself with all the mistakes I'd made on my tutoring paperwork, then suddenly the solution ocurred to me: 'whiteout, stupid!' I've decided life should come with whiteout. Wouldn't that be totally awesome?

an ode to sleep, my absent friend

The door knobs on all the doors in my dorm are very heavy. When I first started living here, I noticed they were heavier than most door knobs, but I didn't really think much about it at the time. Last week I noticed they seemed heavier; it took me an extra second to get it turned all the way. Today when I went to turn the knob on my door, I could hardly turn it, it was so heavy. I've decided this weird phenomenon has less to do with the door knobs actually getting heavier, and more to do with my growing exhaustion (or perhaps paranoia/insanity? I'll have to give it some more thought...). Either way, I've decided some extra sleep couldn't hurt. It's even on my to-do list.

:)

So tutoring session #1 with...let's call him "Super Jock," commenced today. It was quite the interesting experience. It's almost like a math problem in of itself: what do you have when you get a former jock, add super over-achievement tendencies, and graduation on the horizon with just one class standing in his way? What you have equals one intense tutoring session fraught with sports small talk, an attitude toward math that reminds me of Alexander the Great's attitude toward conquering...well, the world, enough charisma to float a battleship (or is it "sink a battleship? Whichever...) and a tutee that will be giving me two solid hours every week for the rest of the semester. :D

I feel like my interests have crystallized in the past three weeks. I have gotten to the point where free time is so rare and precious, when I have it I am forced to condense everything I actually WANT to do to the very bare minimum. Suddenly I discover what's really important to me. Apparently this is what's really important to me:

-cleaning
-walking
-watching NCIS & House
-talking on the phone with my sisters
-hanging w/ friends
-creating numerous to-do lists
-writing on this blog

This is pretty much all I have done in my free time this past week, in fact. I realize as I look that list over, I am not happy with it. There are things on this list I wish I did not feel compelled (driven?) to do incessantly (can we say cleaning?! ;) and things I'd like to be able to put on this list (consistent Bible reading, memorizing scripture). ::sigh:: Guess I'll have to put it on my to-do list. ;)

writing as catharsis, or how I stay sane...

So I stopped by the Holman Center tonight to pick up my check, and the guy running the front desk immediately started teasing me. (I have no idea why...I think he was bored). I am going to admit that I stooped to using a method of guilt I find extremely pathetic: I looked up at him and gave him my "Sad Eyes." If you've seen them, you know what I'm talking about. If you haven't, let's just say that I should have to declare them as lethal weapons, they are so potent. ;) Anyway, he stopped, looked at me, then said, "Rough day, hun?" Usually I really despise being called anything other than my name by guys, but I only nodded pathetically. He handed me my check, patted my hand comfortingly and sent me off with "Don't worry, tomorrow will be a better day. I promise." I have no idea why I'd find such trite words from a clueless stranger so comforting, but there you go. :)

I hate Wuthering Heights. I was hoping that by some miracle, this time I read it I would discover a deep-seated like for the book, since it's such a classic and whatever, but much to my dismay, I think I hate it MORE than I did in high school. I can't fathom disliking characters as much as I do the ones in that book. And it's not even fun to dislike them, like the great villains you love to hate. No, these characters are just so...hatefully pathetic. And of course, I have a paper, project and group discussion on the novel I have to work up some kind of motivation to complete in the next month... ::sigh:: Sometimes school is annoying.

On a positive note: I just found out I got a whopping refund this semester! (I have yet to figure out why, but I'm not letting that stop me from wild, hysterical excitement!) So I've decided since I've received this huge refund, I shall make a trip out to Wal-Mart this weekend and treat myself to a new pair of scissors. (My current pair is so dull, yesterday it stopped cutting paper).

the answer to "is it really THAT bad?" and other insincere questions...

Today was one of those days. As I tripped down the stairs this morning, (after over-sleeping, jabbing myself in the eyeball with mascara, forgetting to eat breakfast and misplacing my English homework), I considered the likely possibility that my day would play out like one of those movie montage scenes. The kind with music in the background, where you see short clips of one horrible disaster after another befalling the poor hero/heroine. So yep, that was my day. In the middle of my fourth coughing fit during my morning class, I simply gave up and began laughing like a loon. This had poor Nicole and Kody, my peeps (and saviors; but that's another story...) afraid first for my health, then their own, once they decided it was quite possible I had gone mad. Now that I am once again calmed, self-possessed and reoriented, I think it is quite possible I have.

Officially began my tutoring today...my first tutee made me feel all big sisterly. She's a freshman, greener than the grass in May, and all excitable about life, liberty and the pursuit of an over-priced education. First thing on our session agenda: learn how to read a syllabus. :)

The above situation reminded me of just how much I miss my lil sisters. Darn. I told one of my friends the other day how much I miss them, and she told me I was sort of pathetic. I think maybe I am. Good thing I make pathetic look awesome... :S

So I'm kind of dreading my class tomorrow; the one with my arch-enemy. I have absolutely zero energy to take him on right now. But he's just so...annoying. When someone is THAT convinced he's totally awesome, and decides it's his prerogative to tear everyone around him down in order to convince them of how much more awesome than them he is, it's virtually irresistable to put them in their place. Right? That is my latest argument/defense for the ongoing armed hostilities between him and I. (Well, armed on my part, anyway...)

:D

boys, homework, slipping on the soap and other lead causes of drama...

Went to Wal-Mart today...very strange experience. A girl about 15 years old grabbed me (like, literally physically grabbed me by the arm) and dragged me over to a rack of shirts. She then precedes to demand my opinion of them. I tell her quite politely that "I don't work here, and fashion advice isn't really my forte -" she interrupts me with: "I don't care if you don't work here, or if you're fashion retarded; just tell me what you think about the !@%* shirt!!" I walked away. In hindsight it was probably not the most mature reaction, but I can think of a lot more immature reactions I could have chosen, so honestly I am rather proud of my self restraint. *sigh. Oh well, fodder for writing... :)

Called "C" back today...she continues to crack me up with her boy drama. She is a good reminder to me of how easy it is to fall into the habit of high school drama, and forget to leave it in high school...but it is rather fun to live vicariously through her. I have absolutely no desire whatsoever to incur any kind of drama with guys right now; in fact I go out of my way to avoid it, but I do appreciate learning from her drama. It's like the pain-free way of gathering life experience. :) Anyway, spent another hour talking with her about her boy, and don't really know how else to help her. She knows it's not going to work; she and him are so obviously not right for each other. But (as I know rather painfully from experience) it's so hard to accept that when you get along with a guy so well; when you can have pressure free fun with him, he makes you laugh, you understand each other...it's hard not to want what feels so...well, good.

I am in such an introspective mood tonight...not sure why. Maybe it has to do with this feeling of balancing on the very top of a downhill rush I know is about to sweep me away; the next two weeks aren't going to leave me much time to breathe, much less think. Which can be nice at times...but I do so love to think.

the whooping cough and other life-ailments...

So I just realized today that over the past week and a half I have very (well, mostly) comfortably slipped into the life of a hermit. Acute, obnoxious sicknesses that cause everyone to flee from the mere sight of you has surprising perks. I went out with Christina last night, my first social interaction in a week and a half. She was willing (actually, desperate) to hang since she is also ill with a super-virus. We met up at the university pond with the intention of walking around a bit, but by the time we'd walked about 20 feet we both laid down on the ground, completely exhausted. So we lay there for about an hour comparing symptoms and chatting about life. It was great. :D

But back to my original thought...I can't believe how un-bored I've been, mostly confined to my dorm. I think of myself as a pretty social creature most of the time, and I honestly do love people; I find them completely fascinating, and LOVE making new acquaintances. Yet at the heart of me, I think I am rather solitary. I love my own company; I love being away from distraction and rediscovering my inner dialogue and thoughts...and I am starting to sound way too pompous. :)

So Gina and Jenny visited me today! I was driving back from the district library, when I realize Gina called me and left a message saying "you have a half hour to call me back before you become the biggest loser on the planet" (or something to that effect). So I call her, and practically cause an accident on Huron River Drive when she says she's 20 minutes away from my dorm, and wants to take me out to dinner. It was awesome; the kind of surprise so good, even I hadn't thought to wish for it.

So I am signed up to donate blood on October 8.
I am terrified.
I do realize people do this all the time (and survive); it's something that I greatly admire and have always wanted to do. I just have a little, teeny, so-slight-it's-practically-Twiggy issue with people extracting fluids necessary for my continued survival. And yes, I know I have plenty extra. But besides the fact that the Red Cross is giving out free t-shirts to donars, this quote I have on my wall keeps sticking rather inconveniently in my head: "Do one thing every day that scares you." Darn that Eleanor Roosevelt! But yet shall I be brave. (However, if I do not survive, I expect someone who has read this post to begin an in-depth investigation exposing the Red Cross's gross malpractice, and possibly even reward me with some kind of posthumous peace medal).

meanies and their mean meanness...

What a long, completely exhausting day. Classes upon classes upon classes...then rushing back to eat before heading to VISION to help out with the food drive preparations...then straight from there to a CRU meeting. WHY do I attempt so much??

Actually, now that I think back on my classmates' vicious mocking of me in front of my entire Creative Writing class yesterday (don't ask me WHY he spent five minutes before our prof came in to class verbally insulting me - I have NO idea) the only accurate insult he leveled at me was classifying me as a "typical, tragic classic over-achiever." Though I am positive said classmate's intention was NOT to help bring about my personal growth, I've decided that that is precisely what I shall glean from it. (I've also decided it's a good thing I am a reformed meanie myself, because it's been surprisingly helpful in giving me a well-spring of grace in dealing with this jerk...)

ANYWAY...I found some of my prof's comments today quite thought-provoking. I wish I remembered them. Thank God for:
-short term memory
-paper
-pen
-note-taking

Without the above, I would be lost.

;)

disbelief, and other strange ailments

So my 80-year-old Shakespeare prof, and my 85-year-old Mythology prof, one a highly distinguished male and the other a highly distinguished female, have undoubtedly the dirtiest, crassest vocabularies I have ever heard. (This is a SLIGHT exaggeration, but ONLY slight) I am having quite the hard time getting over my shock, and possibly my previous stereotypes about academic individuals their age. These are all quite definitely quashed now, as I am forced to re-assess my thoughts on the subject. One point I would really like to bring up to my Shakespeare professor, however, is the fact that though he has on numerous occasions made it clear that he has absolutely NO patience with delicate "euphemisms" ("passing away," "sleeping with," etc.) he employs crass euphemisms CONSTANTLY in class, they just happen to be more blunt and to the point (in essence, more offensive). The lack of logic in this simply confounds me.

Anyway...I happened to notice a suspicious gathering of students outside this afternoon as I was walking by the student center on the way to class. Since I was going to be ridiculously early to class anyway (one of my many hopeless compulsions/paranoias), I stopped to see what the ruckus was about. Lo and behold, it's Rush Week at my school! (Oops, I mean "Orientation Week" - we're going PC about it or something...) so since I couldn't be less interested in joining a sorority (even the thought makes my scalp itch), I searched through the mayhem for a familiar face or two, and discovered a table set up from VISION! (My school's main volunteering organization) So I stopped to say hi, and got an entire pile of free stuff thrust into my face! :D For simply stopping to say hi to some aquaintances and expressing my appreciation for their work, I got (for FREE!):
-two VISON t-shirts
-an adorable "donate your organs" plastic cup that has a very cute (yet completely anatomically incorrect) heart on the front!
-flyers to hand out to people who see all the aforementioned advertisments and asks me what the heck is "VISON", and perhaps best of all:
-CANDY! :D
I love my school. (Well, the volunteering office, anyway...) :)

hugging: the new handshake?

I am so not physical. It did not take Sunday to show me that, but it was definitely an affirmation of the fact that the touchy-feely type expressions of greeting and/or affection are just SO NOT my thing. Sunday I attended a church that, though it does not call itself this, would best be described as "charismatic." To sum up the experience: I was hugged, pet, blessed by laying of hands, and tugged around by my hand for two-and-a-half hours straight. And though these people were all very well-meaning, one insightful, searching glance at my face would probably have revealed my high level of discomfort with all this touching. :S But I suppose I should just accept that not all experiences are supposed to be comfortable, and leave it at that.

So yesterday I officially made an enemy out of my English professor. And I am doubly chagrined to say that it was sort of on purpose. It was just one of those situations where I just COULD NOT hold my tongue, at least in good conscience. Typically, in almost all situations I am a fly-under-the-radar type person, but the ONE THING that really goads me into action is when I see someone trying to make someone else feel stupid. That is this prof's main hobby, I am convinced. What else is there to do, besides butt in and make an enemy out of a prof that will eventually have the power to make a huge impact on your gpa? (Hmmm...the first stirrings of regret and anxiety are beginning to appear....perhaps this plan was not well thought out after all...) :S

Hehe. Tons of stuff to do this week...not in the least of which is trying my ABSOLUTE HARDEST to get my butt home this weekend for Megan's 15th birthday celebration. After much deliberation I've decided it's stupid to let a little gas money, loss of study time (etc.) make me miss my lil sister's birthday. Someday I'll probably live like seven hours away. Then, MAYBE I'll have a good excuse. For now, it's time to do some amazing responsibilities/schedule juggling and go home.

So one of my profs was telling us the other day that the difference between reality and fiction is that while fiction has plot, our lives have no plot. Any plot that appears in our lives is plot that we isolate, or simply create. I've decided that this is one of my great gifts (possibly even my superpower): finding plot in the otherwise randomness that is my life. :D

the smell of pencils and wet trash

So back to school...literally. Being in my dorm again reminds me of...well...last semester, but also of being back in the womb - so comfortable, cozy, and CLAUSTROPHOBIC. And that is the last of my whining, since I know actually having my own dorm room strips me of that right.

The strangest thing today...I was hit on by almost every guy I came in contact with. Seriously, it started me thinking about whether that kind of thing is like a contagious disease or something. I really am actually not exaggerating much about this...I mean, the cafeteria dude drew a little mistletoe on my lunch lid, for goodness sake. Anyway, weird Twilight Zone stuff...

Watched the new Indiana Jones movie at the "Free University Movie-in-the-Park" showing last night...and all I can say is, Lucas, Spielberg and Harrison Ford, time to come up with a new idea. (Lucas, you especially. I mean, Clone Wars animated?? Come on now.)

I just remembered that the dreaded first week of classes - and having to introduce yourself a million times via stupid icebreakers - is officially OVER! YESSS! I am actually quite psyched about the first full week of REAL classes, although by this time next weekend I shall probably be stuck, arms flailing about, underneath a gigantic pile of textbooks, notes, syllabi and their corresponding homework assignments. Well, everything has a catch, now hasn't it? :S

P.S I cannot WAIT until they open up the trash rooms in my dorm, so they can move the smelly trash dumpster from underneath my window. Whose idea WAS that, anyway?!

Back To Earth: Life Post-Wedding

So it's done. As of Saturday, August 9th, 5:00pm pacific time, my sisters and I completed Operation: Wedding Madness Take #1. I've decided that Take #1 is appropriate, since now that we've played music for Ali's wedding, I'm thinking that from now on all the cousins on that side are going to want us to play for ALL their weddings. The terrifying fact that I have 27 cousins on that side just sent violent shivers up and down my spine.

So seriously though, the whole thing went amazingly awesome. We had so much fun together, though we're all excited about watching the video of the wedding. (Surprisingly enough, when you're up on stage playing the processional music, you tend to miss being able to actually watch the processional. Who knew?)

I find one of the most amusing things about the ceremony the fact that my total lack of sentimentality kept me from tearing up once about Ali's nuptials, yet as soon as Megan finished playing her piano part of the wedding march, I started sobbing like a little baby. In front of EVERY SINGLE MEMBER OF THE KRISKE SIDE OF MY FAMILY. (Which is about 65 people, give or take). It was weird though; something about watching my little 14 year old sister play with such confidence and grace made me feel like I had just witnessed her grow up. Right before my eyes. It was terrifying. And now I am constantly trying to save face with her after that horribly embarrassing display of sisterly pride and sentimentality. Unfortunately she knows all my comments about her incredibly short stature and infant age are complete bull, and that I really do think she is the bomb. (I am so pathetic at being a mean older sister) :S

So dancing at the wedding reception with my sisters, cousins and a Christian DJ was SO much more fun than dancing at the club. Now that I've had the typical clubbing experience (well, albeit with a group of Christian girl friends and NO BOYS in our group, so probably not quite so typical) which I will not lie, was fun in its own way, I am relieved to discover that I honestly do still enjoy that kind of thing more with my family in a family atmosphere. I think S will eventually want to do the clubbing thing again, now that our whole group of friends has turned 21. But despite the fact that I enjoy that scene, I guess what the wedding reception really made me realize was how pretty pointless the clubbing scene is. At the wedding reception I got to dance and be ridiculous and have fun, and create positive memories with my family while celebrating something worthwhile. At the club it's all about looking cool and attracting attention from the opposite sex, and most of all leaving (if not all, then at least some) inhibitions at the door. If S does ask me to go out clubbing again, I think I'll just tell her I'm sticking with our family Thanksgiving dance party in Aunt Dawn & Uncle Jon's basement dance floor for my dance party outlet. :D

So a little over two weeks and I'm headed back to college and my dorm and classes and dorm food and RA's and volunteering and...but amazingly enough, I really am not that overwhelmed yet. At some point it's gonna hit me that I have to once again move an hour-and-a-half away from Heather (older sister and best friend) and my sisters and my brother and my niece and nephew, who are probably going to grow like weeds while I'm gone and forget all about me... ::self-pitying sigh:: But other than that, I'm not overwhelmed at all. ;)

So now that Kate's back from her MONTH-AND-A-HALF study abroad European trip, and I've spent at least two hours listening as show me pictures of places I've dreamed about going MY WHOLE LIFE, I am now dead set on taking a year out of my adult life to travel. When and where and with just what money I will be doing this are obviously questions I am asking myself, but really, these questions resemble problems only on the surface. Underneath they are great big giant obstacles. Hehe. But still, God can do anything, and I really think it's important to Him too that I experience the world that He's created. (I've started writing a pitch letter explaining all of this to Him in more convincing detail. To be posted later...)

The Best and Worst of a Day

Em is healed!

This is probably not really the case; probably my beautiful, elegantly aged car is just messing with me, pretending to be all better, when in reality she is still crippled with numerous mysterious car ailments. But the fact that she's running is SO COMPLETELY EXCITING!

I've missed my car.

I think perhaps my relationship with my car is slightly unhealthy. But you know, whatever. :D

So the owner's son (12 years old) came into work today with his dad to "work." Apparently they're actually paying him to do absolutely nothing besides annoy every single person in the entire company. My method of dealing with him has been to ignore him, but I don't think it's a very good long term plan. It's almost too bad, because Plan B is stuffing him inside an empty crate in the warehouse and shipping him to China.

T minus 8 days and two hours until the Big Day.

what could possibly happen next?

I have made some incredibly important discoveries today, discoveries which I believe have implications reaching far beyond simply my day today. Possibly these discoveries might change my entire outlook on life.

Today I discovered the following:

1. I am completely terrified of my 89-year-old co-worker. She has that indefinable confidence that immediately convinces me that yes she does know everything, and yes she does deserve to be in charge of nothing less that the entire universe. AND she could tell me to jump off a cliff and I should - and would - do it with a smile on my face.

2. Working with my older brother and sister was a really, REALLY insane idea. Even if it's only for the summer. In some cases one summer can feel as long as a year, or possibly even two.

3. Driving on the highway with all the windows down is only a good idea when I have my hair pulled back. Otherwise, the conflicting wind currents just might (most likely will) blow all my hair straight over my eyes, thus creating an extremely not-so-safe situation.

4. Agreeing to play flute for Ali's wedding was a really, really stupid idea. What exactly is the dress code for this type of thing? I can't look as nice as the bridesmaids, cause when I'm playing, everyone's supposed to be looking at THEM, not at the incredible hotness that is me. AND this means I'll have to wear uncomfortable shoes through the entire wedding ceremony; I won't be able to slip them off and hide them under my pew/chair like normal.

5. Allowing Benjamin (2-and-a-half-year-old nephew) to stuff wadded paper bookmarks into his mouth is NOT funny, but rather extremely dangerous and bad. If I don't want to become known as the stupid aunt who lets the small children almost kill themselves while I simply sit back and laugh, I must be more vigilant in the future.

These are all incredibly important things I learned today. If only every day brought me such gems of wisdom. :S